While internet dating is no longer considered to be a social taboo, it is still hard to find love online. (Photo: Adam Scotti)

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The sleight of hand in online dating

Online dating profiles are never going to be as accurate as the real thing.

I have to confess something - something my mother says is the main reason why I am still single at 29.  I am addicted to Internet dating websites.

I am not, however, addicted to Internet dating.  I have had a hard time putting my heart into the idea of actually going on dates.  As a result, I rarely engage in conversation on a dating website.

I am addicted to the way people describe themselves in such a specific context.

But as I sat at home on New Year's Eve - alone and watching cop dramas on TV - I decided that 2012 would be the year to put more effort into dating.  I took to the dating sites with more gusto, only to find it difficult to assess a true sense of personality from the generic descriptions people give themselves.

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This is the first in a series of columns that take a realistic and nerdy look at relationships, sex and dating. (Photo: flickr/ KayVee.INC)

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On a cold day, some Halifax university students told us what they thought about online dating. (Filmed: Adam Scotti, Music: Flattstreet)

Everyone "loves to laugh" (who doesn't?) and is "active" (I am actively sitting right now) and is "laid-back" (isn't that the opposite of active?) Obviously, some people are fudging the truth.

So I decided to indulge my inner nerd and see if I could find some academic research that could serve as my "profile decoder-ring."

And I found a lot.

But what stuck out was an article in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships titled Strategic misrepresentation in online dating: The effects of gender, self-monitoring, and personality traits.  The study examines how often people strategically misrepresent themselves in order to increase their chances of finding a suitable mate.

In the 2010 article, the authors state that 81 per cent of participants lied about at least one thing in their profile.  In fact, the study was able to determine that while women are most likely to misrepresent their weight, men are most likely to misrepresent the truth in the following areas:

• personal assets (income, education etc.)
• relationship goals
• personal interests
• personal attributes (politeness, independence etc.)

Great - it would appear there is no easy way to decipher these codes.

Feeling rather dismayed, I asked the author of Dollars and Sex, Marina Ashade, to weigh in on the issue.

Ashade, who is a professor at Dalhousie University, says strategic misrepresentations aren't always the result of a conscious decision and often it is simply "people misjudging themselves."

You see, some descriptors such as "looks" are inherently subjective.  It can be hard to figure out how to accurately describe one's body type without resorting to vague and misleading terms.  I mean, what does "curvy" actually mean?  Marilyn Monroe was considered curvy.  What about "athletic?" A football player's body will look different than the body of a runner.

Ashade also says misrepresentations can be related to a fear of being over-looked or being completely screened out by a search filter.

But what does that mean for those of us trying to find a mate online?  Well, as Ashade says - not much.  When you stop and think about it, dating - be it traditional courtship or Internet dating - is a process of revealing truths over time.

So when you meet an online date face-to-face, relax and just be yourself. Anticipate the fact that some representations your date had on their online profile weren't entirely accurate.  Adapt, adjust and enjoy the learning process. Because chances are, your date is adapting and adjusting to the misrepresentations you had on your profile.

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