Halifax man talks about Fifty Shades of Grey vs. BDSM

Fifty Shades of Grey is an erotic romance novel, not a comprehensive guide for the BDSM lifestyle

A riding crop and flogger are examples of toys of play that were in the Kink corner at The Everything to do about Sex Show (Photo: Cara Downey)

It’s being called the most anticipated movie release of the new year.

Fifty Shades of Grey, due to hit theaters this Valentines Day weekend, is currently showing early tracking gross of $45 million.

But E. L. James is not the first author to dabble in the world of erotic romance and a BDSM-themed series.

Maya Banks, Sylvia Day, Joey W. Hill and Dr. Charley Ferrer are other women who have written many erotic romance and BDSM-themed novels.

Some in the “kink” community have not shared the general public’s love affair with Fifty Shades of Grey.

Some members in the community are using the momentum of the movie release, however, to provide comprehensive information of not only what a healthy BDSM relationship is like, but also what BDSM really is.

Big D, a dominant living Halifax, provided his feedback on the Fifty Shades craze.

“Some of the information and things in the book may not be consensual in the lifestyle in the way we would do things,” Big D said.

“Members in the lifestyle did not like how they were being portrayed in the series.”

Big D said one of the things the book did do is it brought the attention of people who may not have thought about it.

The consensus among many in the community is that the book solidified the stereotype of those into BDSM.

Big D said there are a lot more factors involved in the relationship dynamic, and “there’s a power balance within everything.”

“It’s a very nurturing type of relationship and there might be a little give and take. But it’s all consensual and negotiated.”

A dominant/submissive relationship is not something you wake up in the morning and say, “Oh, let’s try this,” he said. Big D explained how the relationship is a progression, especially with partners who have been in long-term relationships.

Dominant/submissive relationship are loving, solid commitments where some partners have been in the same roles for five to 10 years.

“As the saying goes, ‘your kink is OK,’ as long as it’s consensual.”

Big D said there are ‘wannabes’ in the lifestyle.

“They are the ones who’ve read the book or might have seen things and think, ‘Oh cool, this is my way of getting a quick lay.’ It’s so not the case.”

The ones that don’t value and respect consent are weeded out very quickly as the community is very serious about consent and policing the rules set in place.

Big D said people have assumptions of who members in the ‘kink’ community are.

With the phenomenon of Fifty Shades of Grey, fetishism is becoming more mainstream.

It’s become more acceptable and some people see it and are not as shocked, then there are people who still don’t know what the lifestyle is about.

Big D says education is key and he would like people to come out and get educated.

“It goes against what people would think that the dominant has all the power and the final say and rules with an iron fist.

“Quite opposite, once you get to know people in the lifestyle you’ll find that we are very loving.”